Ranma and Akane's Special Attack
by PepsiBeth
Summary: While cleaning out the dojo one day, Ranma comes across something that might come in handy...
1. A possible solution?

Okay, just a little thought that popped into my head one day. Please be kind - this is my first fic. And, on another note, this fic is NOT to be taken seriously, I know they're all OOC, so you don't need to tell me J  
  
Standard disclaimer - blah blah blah, don't belong to me, blah blah blah, all praise the goodness of Rumiko Takahashi, blah, blah, blah. Also, any songs mentioned are the property of the artists who recorded them.  
  
  
  
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Ranma was cleaning out the storage room in the dojo at the request of Kasumi. He didn't really want to, it wasn't his idea of a fun time, but when Kasumi asked something in her quiet little voice, with that gentle smile, who could refuse. Ranma often thought she should become a car salesperson - she'd make a killing.  
  
He couldn't believe the layers of dust on some of the junk collected in the closet. Some of this stuff had to have been here, untouched for over a century, if not more. It was quite a collection too - outdated and broken weapons, moth-eaten gi's, cinder blocks - if it was remotely connected to martial arts, it was there. He had been cleaning out the room for almost 5 hours, and had hardly made a dent in the mess, even though the "don't keep pile" was 3 feet high. Ranma sighed, and took another look in the room.  
  
"Which section to start on now? Man, I wish I could be anywhere else but here right now. I'd even be willing to be a girl right now, if it meant I wouldn't have to be here. Hmm... not a bad idea, could go get a nice parfait... Wait, what's this?"  
  
Ranma carefully reached into a precariously piled stack of odds and sods and pulled out a slender wooden chest. He blew the dust of maybe centuries off the top and released the latches. When opened, the chest revealed a bunch of obviously very old scrolls. Carefully, as not to tear the parchment, Ranma started opening the scrolls and reading what was on them.  
  
"Wow! These are all techniques of the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts! I don't recognize any of them - wonder if there's anything worth learning in here?"  
  
The pig-tailed boy started going through the scrolls one by one.  
  
"Secret Technique of Rummaging Through Garbage Like Raccoon? Naah, I don't think so. Hey, maybe this one is better - Pressure Blow of the Stalwarted... Worm??? Man, what is this? No wonder these were put in storage."  
  
Each scroll proved more worthless than the previous. Really, who would want to know the Swoon of the Cantelope, and how the heck would you use that in battle anyways. Yet another was titled Fists of the No Armed Brainless Dust Mote. Ranma had come to the conclusion that looking any further would be a waste of his time, and decided to look at one more, before putting the whole pile into the "reject" area.  
  
"Okay, let's see what this one is - oh, let me guess, Wail of the Mummified Snail or something, right? Hey, this looks kinda interesting... in fact, maybe even extremely helpful. Yep, Akane and I could definitely use this one!"  
  
Ranma read over the scroll a few times, to get the feeling of the technique straight in his head, and then went to search out Akane, to see if she might be interested in what was possibly the very technique they would need to get rid of their "Significant Others" problem.  
  
He was getting such a good feeling about this attack, that he didn't even think about knocking on Akane's door before opening it. He stepped into the room, saw Akane, and started talking.  
  
"Akane! You're not going to believe what I just fou...."  
  
WHAAPP!  
  
Ranma slammed into the wall adjacent to Akane's bedroom door from the force of the mallet hitting him.  
  
"You... you.... PERVERT!! When are you going to learn to knock first, you jerk!"  
  
"Akane, come on, not like there's much to look at anyways.... that is, I mean... Wait! Don't thump me again, I've got something incredible to show you. Please, just calm down for a sec and listen, would ya?"  
  
Akane replied by slamming the door shut on Ranma's nose. A few seconds later, she opened it again, after having gotten dressed. Ranma pulled out the scroll and showed it to her. With skepticism, she started to read. After only a few sentences, her eyes started to get wider, and a little smirk appeared. She pulled Ranma into her room and shut the door.  
  
"Do you really think this would work? Or that we could pull it off? Some of the stuff in here is pretty gross. I don't know if we can do this..."  
  
Aww, come on, Akane, if I can suffer through doing this with you, so can you."  
  
Akane started glowing red.  
  
"What do you mean, suffer.... grrrr"  
  
"Wa..wait a sec! I didn't mean it that way, I just think that this could help us both, don't you? I mean, don't you want to be left alone finally? And this scroll could do this for both of us - can't you just see it? Being able to go to school, or the store, or even walk down the street without being bothered by Kuno, or Shampoo?"  
  
After Akane calmed down, she agreed with Ranma, and they both started to study the words of the technique carefully. After reading it over carefully, and agreeing on certain combination points of the attack, the duo went down to practise it in the dojo.  
  
A week later, the pair thought that they had it down fairly well. The training had exhausted them both, but somehow forged a tentative truce between them. Of course, that was needed for this method to work. They both decided to withold any sarcastic comments about the other for the time being, until they could try out the attack, mutually agreeing that that would make the technique all the more effective.  
  
"Are you ready, Akane?"  
  
"Oh, yeah, I'm ready. The guys and girls of Nerima won't know what hit them. How about you, Ranma?"  
  
"You bet! Come on, let's go eat, and then go for a walk. Someone's bound to come along and try something."  
  
Akane and Ranma linked fingers and shook hands on the deal.  
  
"Here's to us! And the School of Anything Goes Debilitating Attack of the Nauseating WAFF!"  
  
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So, what'd you think? I know it's short, but if you'd like to see what this attack is all about, then R&R please! And by the way, I don't necessarily have anything against WAFF fics, I've just read a whole bunch today, and got cavities... 


	2. The first attack

Thanks for the reviews guys! I've decided this fic isn't going to be too many chapters, as there really is only so far I can go with this storyline. I figure after this one, there'll be max 2 more, if I don't decide to finish it next chapter. Oh, and if anyone tried to post a review anonymously and couldn't - you can now - I didn't realize that I had that set to not allow it.  
  
Anything in "" is the characters speaking, anything in ** is their thoughts.  
  
Standard disclaimer - blah blah blah, don't belong to me, blah blah blah, all praise the goodness of Rumiko Takahashi, blah, blah, blah. Also, any songs mentioned are the property of the artists who recorded them.  
  
  
  
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Akane and Ranma headed out of the Tendo house. They grinned at each other and set off aimlessly, knowing that sooner or later, they'd have an interuption. It sometimes felt like they had homing devices on them, the way people were able to find them. In fact, it didn't take long at all until a purple colored blur landed on Ranma.  
  
"You I love! Ranma come see Shampoo for date, yes? Violent pervert girl - you go now! No want you here for date! Ranma, why you try to get away? You no want kiss from fiancee? Or is you just playing hard to get?"  
  
"Aw, come on Shampoo - Get off me... Umph... Ack! Too tight, I can't breathe! Umm... Shampoo, could you take your arms from around my neck? I kinda need some air here? In fact, can't you just take your arms and yourself elsewhere? I don't need this now."  
  
From what Ranma could see from his slightly awkward position enwrapped in Shampoo's limbs, Akane was starting to get steamed, as usual. A low growl was coming from the back of her throat, and her pupils formed into tiny little mallets, usually a good indication of what was coming next.  
  
*Oh no! She's gonna lose it! I've got to get her calmed down or this is never gonna work. What am I gonna do? Geez, Shampoo's worse than an octopus - I swear, she must have at least 4 hands or something*  
  
Ranma frantically tried to catch Akane's eye to send her a silent signal. Finally, he started to get through to her, just as a mallet appeared in her hands. When she saw the look on Ranma's face, Akane froze.  
  
*Phew! That was close - I can't believe I almost ruined it. It's not like I even care what Ranma does, it's more that I'm so used to having this kind of reaction - yeah, that explains it. Okay, deep breath! Alright, I'm calm, I'm cool, I'm collected. Now, to get Ranma loose...*  
  
Together, Akane and Ranma finally managed to pry Shampoo's love crazed form off of him. Man, did that Amazon have a grip of steel! The two of them backed up slightly, and stood side by side. They looked at each other and nodded their heads.  
  
"Shampoo, please leave Ranma alone from now on! I'm asking you nicely, and I advise you to listen to me, or you'll be sorry."  
  
"Ha ha! What violent girl do to Shampoo? Me Amazon woman, you pathetic bad cook who not know how to catch man! You not very good fighter either. Shampoo beat you bad!"  
  
Akane just shrugged her shoulders, and assumed a fighting stance. After all, she had warned the girl... Beside her, she could here Ranma whispering a countdown. He too had taken position for a battle.  
  
"3"  
  
"2"  
  
"1"  
  
Ranma and Akane suddenly dropped their aggressive stances, leapt into each others arms, locked eyes, and shouted:  
  
"Debilitating Attack of the Nauseating WAFF - Flowers and Bunnies Style!!!"  
  
Suddenly, an orchestral version of the Bryan Adams song "Everything I do, I do it for you" started playing in the background, out of nowhere, crescendoing magnificently in the clear, sweet smelling air. Birds suddenly starting flying in formation, creating hearts in the sky.  
  
Shampoo was stunned into utter confusion. She couldn't move, she couldn't think... what was going on? All she could do was stand there, her eyes open wide with a startled, slightly panicked look.  
  
"Kiss kiss my little luvey wuvey ranma sweetie pie! You want your little hunny bunny Akane sweetums, don't you?"  
  
A few dozen baby bunnies hopped by on their back feet, strewing flower petals as they went along. A light shower of sparkle glitter trickled down from the sky, lightly dusting the entwined couple. Ranma and Akane slowly gazed deep into each others eyes, intermittently issueing passion filled sighs into the air, as they peppered light butterfly kisses over each other's faces.  
  
"Oh, my darling Akane! You are Venus! Let me worship at the altar of your beauty, let me look upon your very soul and know that it is made of diamonds and pearls. Let me taste the sweet nectar of your scent. To be breathing the very air you are is like the finest wine created. The very idea of poetry was created with you in mind..."  
  
Shampoo still couldn't move, from sheer shock. Akane and Ranma? Expressing their feelings for each other? This wasn't possible... As she watched, unable to turn her eyes away, she started to feel slightly repelled by such a blatant and public display of affection between the two. Not only that, but all that gibberish they were spouting was making her feel kinda sick.  
  
As Akane and Ranma held each other even closer than before, the smell of a thousand freshly picked perfect ruby red rosebuds filled the air. Their hands gently caressed each others faces, learning the very curves and shapes of their eyes, their cheeks, their lips. Closer and closer their faces came to each other, until finally, excitingly, their lips met in a fusion of pure exalted love. Fireworks streamed across the sky, exploding in a magnificent display of lights and wonder.  
  
Shampoo couldn't believe the sappy drivel literally pouring out of the couple. She felt like she was drowning in syrup, really really sticky syrup. She tried to run away, but she couldn't move from her spot. Shutting her eyes didn't work either, as she could still hear the kissing noises and sighs of adoration coming from them. She was experiencing severe sensory overload, and didn't know how much more of this she could take. The thought of Ranma and Akane together and estatically happy made her want to be sick! The bunnies made her want to be sick! The whole thing made her want to be sick! Shampoo couldn't really understand this, as she was normally a bit of a romantic - she didn't think this reaction was warranted. She started to gag as Akane spoke.  
  
"Oh Darling... hold me closer, never let me go! Take my heart and keep it well, my sweetheart! I will love you eternally, though the very world should grow dim, though the universe should cease to be, our love shall reign forever!"  
  
As the background song began to near it's end, a chorus of butterflies swooped down over their heads, fluttering in time to the music. The birds in the air twirled around Ranma and Akane, causing a breeze to ruffle their hair and clothes. The bunnies joined in the circular dance around the couple, quivering in the perfection of the moment. All time seemed to stop as the last notes held on the breeze. Slowly, ever so slowly, the last keening sound came to an end.  
  
"... Urgh..."  
  
Shampoo, having finally regained motion, ran away in a panic, her hand clapped over her mouth. She had to get away from these two before she threw up! If this what love was like with Ranma, she wanted no part in it!  
  
As soon as the Amazon was out of sight, Akane turned to Ranma.  
  
"Well, that seemed to work just as we wanted it. Looks like that technique was a success!"  
  
"Yeah, I'd definitely say so - did you see the look on her face? Hahahaha..."  
  
KER-THAPP!  
  
As Ranma picked himself up out of the fish pond, she glared at Akane.  
  
"What'd ya do that for, huh?"  
  
"PERVERT! I told you, no tongue!!"  
  
"Yeah, well, hands above the waist next time, Akane, that was part of the deal, wasn't it? And besides, I didn't give you tongue - why would I want to do that with an uncute tomboy like yourself, anyways?"  
  
Ranma starting running, with Akane chasing after at full speed with the largest mallet Ranma had ever seen. It seemed that their vow of no insults was at an end, as the emotions that they had stirred up during the attack had to be released afterwards the only way the two knew how.  
  
Later, at the Cat Cafe, Shampoo wobbily came through the doorway. Cologne looked over at her, and misinterpreted her great-grand daughters look.  
  
"Did you have a nice rendez-vous with Son-In-Law, Shampoo?"  
  
"Great Grand-mother, what is Nauseating WAFF?"  
  
Suddenly Cologne whipped out a closed sign and hung it on the door. The next thing Shampoo knew, Cologne and her were piling clothes into suitcases, and frantically packing items into boxes.  
  
"What we doing, Great Grand-mother?"  
  
"We are going back to China, Shampoo. If Akane and Ranma have learned that technique, he is lost to you. And besides, if you tried to get near him and experienced that attack again, you would be scarred for life. Anyone who experiences the Nauseating WAFF twice will no longer be able to stand any kind of love act without vomiting. And I want great-great grandbabies, Shampoo. We will go back to China and find someone else, even Mousse if necessary. In fact, Mousse! Come here! Shampoo is so weak right now, you will be able to defeat her, and therefore win her hand in marriage."  
  
"Great Grand-mother! No! Why you do this to Shampoo? Go back to China, fine. But no Mousse, please!"  
  
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Okay, originally I had planned to write a chapter for each character that gets in the way of Ranma and Akane, but I don't think I could stand that much sugar sweet drivel, and there's no way I'm gonna impose that on you guys... I'm thinking now that this fic will probably wrap up in the next chapter, with a short epilogue after to tie up all the ends. Anyways, hope you liked this chapter as much as the first. Review? Please? 


	3. The battles continue... plus, a minor pr...

Wow! I can't believe all the great reviews I'm getting for this fic! I wasn't expecting this many. Thanks everyone - I'm really glad you're all enjoying this, cause I'm having a lot of fun writing it.  
  
Anything in "" is the character's speaking, anything in ** is their thoughts.  
  
Standard disclaimer - blah blah blah, don't belong to me, blah blah blah, all praise the goodness of Rumiko Takahashi, blah, blah, blah. Also, any songs mentioned are the property of the artists who wrote/recorded them.  
  
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It had been an exhausting time for Ranma and Akane. They had found that it was only possible to do an attack like the one used on Shampoo about every week or so, as they needed time for their bodies to recoup strength. The technique caused such amuck with their hormone levels that they were extremely tense for a few days afterwards.  
  
"It's my turn for the mouthwash, Ranma! Blech! Ptooie! I feel so dirty..."  
  
"Come on, Akane - you could let me have this at least. I mean, you did wear out the loofah scrubber from taking so many bathes. I've got to disinfect myself somehow..."  
  
"Grrr... Ranma, you JERK! If it wasn't for this technique, there's no way I'd ever let a pervert like you get his hands on me - I... I... I'd sooner kiss a frog!"  
  
"Huh. Well, sorry to tell ya, but this is no walk in the park for me, either. You think I like being all luvey duvey with a flat-chested, thighs like a brick manly girl like you?"  
  
CRUNCH!! ...Splash...  
  
"Geez! What'd you go and do that for, huh? Pfft!"  
  
Conversations between the two had disintegrated to this kind of interaction for about 3 days after each attack. The remaining time was spent being civil to each other, by gritting their teeth and forcing themselves to smile and be polite, in order to build up the momentum needed for the next battle.  
  
Everyone else in the Tendo household didn't know what to think. Kasumi just went around saying her standard "Oh my..." over and over again, with a blank stare, trying to pretend she lived in a normal family, while Nabiki tried to figure out some way she could make a profit from this. She was stumped on this end, as the people to whom she would normally sell info on Ranma and Akane were the ones being affected adversely. As for Soun and Genma, when they had first heard about what Akane and Ranma were doing, they were thrilled.  
  
"Sob, sob.... my little girl and her fiance... together at last in bliss.... sob, sob... Oh, I'm so happy that you have finally come to an understanding, sob sob.... When's the wedding?"  
  
"Ranma, my boy, glad to see you're showing some spunk finally! That's the way to get a girl - shower her with affection! We'll be seeing heirs to the Saotome school in no time!"  
  
Unfortunately for the two dads, their hopes were put to a painful rest. Akane sat her dad down, and casually mentioned that if he didn't quit it, she'd have someone perform the attack on her twice, therefore destroying any chance that her father might have of marrying her off to Ranma or to anyone else for that matter. From the look in her eyes, Soun could tell she was dead serious, and after a few days of hysterical crying, grudgingly accepted that the technique was only for show. Genma took a little more forceful convincing, by undergoing an ass-kicking from Ranma everytime he would say any word that could be perceived as relating to romance, love, or any kind of relations with females. In not too long, he was brainwashed into avoiding any words that would set Ranma off. In fact, he spent most of his time as a panda, to avoid speaking at all.  
  
The teams next victim was Happosai, after he cornered them and begged to have the attack performed on him. Ranma and Akane were a little surprised, to say the least, until Happi laid out the terms with which he wanted the battle done.  
  
"Sweet Akane, how can you refuse a gentle old man's wish? And you Ranma, after making you my heir, the least you can do is become a girl for the fight... Ah... yuri WAFF... I could die happy..."  
  
Ranma and Akane both shuddered - there was NO way they were going there. And besides, they already had their attack plan for this lecher. Ranma had the honors of shouting the warrior cry.  
  
"Debilitating Attack of the Nauseating WAFF - Power Surge of All Your Underwears Are Belong To Me, Akane!"  
  
Happosai was reduced to a quaking pathetic mass of wrinkles in no time flat after watching Ranma and Akane skamper around, giggling and cooing at each other. By the time they were through with him, he couldn't even muster up his doe eyes to try for a little sympathy. Although they did provide him with a paper bag to catch any mess he might make.  
  
The next week, they decided on Kodachi as their target. Sick of hearing her cackle that she thought passed for a sexy laugh, Ranma lured her into a trap.  
  
"Oh, my darling Ranma, I'm so happy that you've finally realized I can be the dutiful wife you need! After all, the Black Rose is the ideal woman of your dreams. Thank goodness you've tossed aside those two little twits... Akane! How dare you interupt my romantic interlude with my beloved! Stand aside and let the power of our love alone! AHAHAHAHAHA"  
  
Before Kodachi could pull any of her Martial Arts Rythmic Gymnastic stunts, Akane and Ranma erupted into battle mode.  
  
"D.A. of the N. WAFF - Pink Hearts, Yellow Moons, Orange Stars, Green Clovers, Blue Diamonds, Purple Horseshoes Serenade!"  
  
At the end of it all, Akane was kind enough to call the paramedics for Kodachi. She was wheeled away by the proverbial "Men in White Coats" laughing insanely and muttering "They're after me Lucky Charms... I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs..." and other breakfast related obscenities in between heaves.  
  
The next one was the hardest for Ranma to do. After all, Ukyo had been, and still was one of Ranma's best friends. He didn't want to hurt her, he just didn't want her. Finally he decided that he might as well go for it - no sense in backing out now!  
  
Ukyo had heard of the devastation the two were spreading, and came prepared for hard battle. Her okonomiyaki spatula at the ready, she figured that after this, she'd make a special dinner for Ranma so that he wouldn't even think of Akane's prone figure sprawled on the ground. Unfortunately for her, that wasn't exactly what happened...  
  
"Debilitating Attack... *Man, why couldn't we have found a shorter named technique?* ...etc - Passion Fruit and Pomegranate Salad Blast!"  
  
Ukyo limped away, retching into each bush she passed, her spatula melted from the pure heat generated by the couple in the midst of their sickening declarations of undying devotion and loving commitment to each other.  
  
Later that week, Ranma was sitting in the dojo thinking.  
  
*Only Kuno and Ryoga left to go. Of course, Akane thinks there's only Kuno left. I don't know how the heck I'm gonna get her to do this on Ryoga - she's totally clueless to his feelings for her, and his double identity. Man, I've got to think of something...*  
  
Finally, the battle with Kuno came, with Ranma and Akane both looking forward to getting this guy out of their hair for good. Out for a walk, the two of them were suddenly stopped by a bokken right under Ranma's nose.  
  
"What right have you to be so close to one of such pulchitrude? I demand that you step away, sir, and release the beauteous Akane from suffering any longer your presence! I, Takewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, am the only one of such moral upstanding and heart who deserves to bask in the glory that is her. Come, Akane, let us be one on such a day as this!"  
  
"Hey, Kuno, boy are we glad to see you! This has been a long time coming, and you've really been asking for this."  
  
Ranma cracked his knuckles and got ready. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted P-Chan heading their way. He had obviously been following them to prevent any potential WAFFishness outside of their attacks.  
  
*Perfect! He's in the attack radius. A Two for One special, and Akane won't have a clue that we got him!*  
  
"D. A. O. T. N. WAFF - Supreme Love Acceleration!!" "Ranma, do you think that sounded too much like a Sailor Moon thing?" "Who cares - if it works, it works - And why the heck are we discussing this right now, anyways! Let's go!"  
  
Akane quickly assumed the Popping Hearts instead of Eyes stance, while Ranma cued the string quartet that suddenly appeared. The strains of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On started playing with an achingly haunted air.  
  
Grabbing Akane, Ranma bent her over and starting murmuring sweet nothings into her ear, his voice miraculously carrying across the air.  
  
"The sweetest chocolate is the most bitter thing in the world compared to the ultimate sweetness of your lips, my darling, my one, my only. You are a gentle flower growing freely in the summer wind, underneath the sun that smiles down lovingly upon us. But yet, even the sun cannot compare to your shining glory! You are my life essence, the very air I breathe, I cannot bear to be apart from you. Let us become one with the night, whilst candles should illuminate our true love."  
  
Quickly, they switched position, with Akane now reclining at Ranma's feet, gazing up at him in adoration.  
  
"Ah, how the arrows of Cupid have struck me deeply to my core! You are the true meaning of manhood! I offer my bosom and womanhood to you, let me devote my very body to your temple. Please, my beloved, accept my offerings to you as indication of my devotion. What ever you want, what ever you need, no matter what request you make of me, I will spend eternity fufilling your every whim, desire, want, need, wish..."  
  
Ryoga, as P-Chan, was already turning green, pitiful little squeaks coming from his snout. It seemed the smaller you were, the faster you were affected by the dreaded technique. At this rate, he knew he only had moments left. All he could hope was that he would pass out soon.  
  
Kuno, however, seemed relatively unaffected by the idiotic words spouting from Ranma and Akane. He simply stood there, looking at them with bafflement, yet with also a sense of wonder and amazement.  
  
"Psst - Akane - what the heck's going on? Why hasn't Kuno started reeling yet? Are we doing something wrong?"  
  
"I don't know, Ranma - everyone else was already getting dizzy by this time - we've just got to try harder!" "SENTIMENTALITY OVERDRIVE!!!!"  
  
As the music swelled to even greater heights, stars starting shooting across the sky, leaving trails of stardust in their wake. A flock of crystal white doves descended from the heavens, carrying golden streamers that they draped lovingly over the couple. Ranma gently laid Akane down in the luxurious grass, and hovered above her, his eyes tracing every inch of her form.  
  
"You are perfection, my sweet lady. Let me be your Knight in White Satin, I shall carry you away on a unicorn tamed by my hand. Your very footstep on the ground sanctifies the earth around you. My passion knows no bounds for you, the very cup of love spills over with your sweetness. You are fairer than the goddess Diana, than Helen of Troy - their beauty is but dirt compared to the exquiteness of one eyelash of yours."  
  
P-Chan made a few pathetic oinks, mixed in with stifled moans, and keeled over - he was out for the count.  
  
Kuno was still unfazed, in fact, he started approaching the couple lying on the ground, his bokken at the ready.  
  
"What the... Akane, I think we're in trouble here..."  
  
"Ranma! I just realized why it's not working! Kuno's already a pathetic, worthless romantic - all this drivel is simply fuel for his fire! This is the kind of stuff he gets off on. What are we gonna do?"  
  
As Kuno reached the two of them, he threw his bokken to the ground, wrenched Ranma away, and grasped Akane, with stars in his eyes.  
  
"Ah, Akane! I knew that you were capable of such wonderous emotions! We truely are a match, of which the heavens can only bow their heads in shame at how they do not compare to the perfection that is us, together, forever! Let me take you and show you the highest limits of romance. Do not be afraid, my beloved, for I shall lead you gently across the threshold of your maidenhood."  
  
Ranma and Akane started to panic. Ranma was already feeling the effects of the attack rebounding on him, and Akane was unwillingly providing that attack towards him, and was getting wrapped up with the emotions swirling around her and Kuno.  
  
"Ack! Ranma! Help me - I can't hold on much longer!"  
  
"A.. Akane! We've got to do it! The last chance desparation technique! It's our only hope of winning... Can you break free from his hold enough to begin it?"  
  
"But... but Ranma, that's so extreme - do you think it'll work?"  
  
"It's got to! It's our only shot! Come on, you can do it!"  
  
Akane pulled her remaining strength around her and nodded. They shouted out in tandem.  
  
"Moment of Madness! Super Secret Technical Add On of..."  
  
To be continued... ^_^  
  
  
  
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Well, I don't know if this chapter was as good as the previous ones... Sorry, I had a harder time getting the humor right - hopefully that'll be corrected with the next installment, which will be the last... Anyways, had to leave you with a bit of a cliffhanger on this one, as I'm still planning out the second phase of the attack on Kuno. Oh, and for the technique used on Happosai, I do know proper grammar, but people that play poorly translated videogames might get it. One last thing - Obviously, I decided not to make an individual chapter for each confrontation, but if anyone wants more details on any of the battles mentioned here, email me, and I'll see about getting you a "battle transcript". :P R&R and I'll love you for it! Well, unless you flame me... 


	4. The conquering of Kuno!

Phew! Finally got this chapter done. Sorry about the delay between this one and the last one, PC problems - I won't bore you with the details, but I'll just say 3 words - Computer Go Boom. So, once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed, hope you've fun reading this story. It's helped my bizarre imagination settle down for a while. And when it crops up again, well, perhaps we'll see another fic... ^_^  
  
Anything in "" is the character's speaking, anything in ** is their thoughts.  
  
Standard disclaimer - blah blah blah, don't belong to me, blah blah blah, all praise the goodness of Rumiko Takahashi, blah, blah, blah. Also, any songs mentioned are the property of the artists who wrote/recorded them.  
  
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Let's recap, shall we?  
  
Scroll, yadda yadda yadda, WAFF technique, etc etc etc, made all rivals barf, gag, retch, blah blah blah, Kuno's a freaking romantic loonytune who's not affected, OMG, OMG, OMG, what are we going to do??!!?  
  
!!Idea!! "Moment of Madness! Super Secret Technical Add On of..."  
  
"Fun With Letters - S&M and B&D Love Charge!!!"  
  
Akane took advantage of Kuno's loss of concentration, as he had been surprised by their sudden shout, and leapt out of his arms. Running behind the black backdrop that just seemed to have appeared from nowhere, Ranma and Akane quickly changed outfits.  
  
"So, you want to lead, or should I?"  
  
"You're gonna have to Akane, I'm still a little weak from just that little bit of the attack I got - I had no clue how potent it was..."  
  
"Weak, huh? Hehe... I think I can use that to our advantage..."  
  
Akane winked at Ranma, as she chased him out from behind the backdrop, slapping his nether regions to get him moving until they were in front of Kuno, ready for the attack. Kuno slowly raised himself from the ground, not yet looking at the couple.  
  
"Oh, Akane, why dost thou run from my love? You know that we are as one, heaven's idea of a perfect match, come now, my love, be shy no long... AAAGGGHHH!"  
  
Kuno had finally taken a look at Ranma and Akane. His eyes popped open, and his jaw dropped. Ranma was down on all fours, dressed in a black leather tank top and shorts. He had a studded collar around his neck, with matching wrist and ankle bands, all loosely connected with one chain that extended to his back where Akane sat, as if sitting sidesaddle on a horse, holding the end of the metal link rope in one hand. Dressed in a barely there black with silver trim mini dress, with one leg delicately crossed over the other, revealing almost all her upper thigh, she swung her foot which was encased in stiletto ankle boots, jauntily. In her other hand was a short black cat 'o' nine tails. She too had a collar, and wrist and ankle bands, although hers were made of a brillant silver metal, with large rings intertwining.  
  
A heavy, pulsating electronic beat started throbbing in the background.  
  
"Take me for a ride, slave. I want it to be nice and smooth too, or somebody will be in trouble..."  
  
"Yes, Mistress Akane. Although if necessary, I will take my punishment like the naughty boy I've been."  
  
Ranma carefully crawled on the grass in a large circle around Kuno. Akane would occasionally brush the cat 'o' nine tails over his ass, and on the sides of his neck. Each time, Ranma would let out a little shuddery moan.  
  
Kuno still hadn't been able to get his eyes back in his head. This was his modest little Akane? His perfect paragon of virtue? He shook his head, trying to clear his vision of what must be a hallucination, and looked again. She was still dressed the same way, and acting the same. Something was going horribly wrong in the Land of Kuno. He started to feel a tad unwell.  
  
"Hey, Akane! Look, it's working! Alright!"  
  
"Quiet, slave! I did not give you permission to speak freely! For that you shall have to be punished!"  
  
*Eep... she's really taking this part a little too seriously. I think I'd just better shut up now.*  
  
With a light flick of her little whip, Akane had Ranma lie on the ground, on his belly. She slowly dragged the flail up the length of his body, starting at his feet and ending with the tails lightly brushing his face. She nodded with satisfaction when he flinched as she passed his butt and back, even though she had not struck him.  
  
*Hee hee... this is fun! Not only do we get rid of Kuno pestering me, I get a chance to pay back Ranma - I'll show him who's boss - call me a tomboy, will he? I think not after this!*  
  
Akane started strutting slowly, her hips swaying enticingly as she came to stand behind Ranma's prone body. She bent over slightly, and flicked the whip at Ranma's back - not hard enough to really hurt, but just enough to cause a light sting. She started talking in a throaty, sexy voice.  
  
"Who's been a bad boy, hmmm? You like that, don't you? Oh yes, I can tell, you want more, don't you? Tell me, do you want more?"  
  
When Ranma didn't answer right away, Akane bent down and picked up the chain that was connected to Ranma. She pulled just hard enough to slightly raise his head off the ground.  
  
Kuno, observing all of this, was starting to shake and sweat. His Akane, a wanton sex creature? No, this couldn't be! She was supposed to be the bearer of his children, staying daintily in the kitchen and nursery while dressed in a neck to ankles kimono, obeying his commands as master of the household. He could see his future dreams crumbling before him like so much dust as the duo continued. He now felt a distinctively unpleasant feeling deep in his gut.  
  
"So, now, my little boy toy, are you going to answer? Do you want some more of what I have to offer you? I can give you pain that is like the sweetest, most unbearable pleasure. All you have to do is answer, Ranma... One word is all that has to come out of your lips - just the word Yes, and you can have some more of what your mistress has for you..."  
  
Akane stepped onto Ranma's back, with her weight on her toes, her spiked heels resting dangerously on Ranma's ass cheeks. Somehow managing to keep a straight face at Ranma's panicked expression, she pressed carefully down with her heels.  
  
"Yipe!! Yes, mistress! Yes, I want some more! Please give me more! I am your plaything, for you to do whatever you want with!"  
  
It was all Ranma could do to continue with the ruse. He didn't have a clue what had got into Akane, but wasn't taking any chances - he liked his body the way it was currently, and didn't need an extra set of bum dimples. He figured if he went along with what she asked, she'd go back to only being suggestive, as the plan had been.  
  
Kuno could take no more! He grabbed his bokken off the ground, held it high and slammed it into the earth at his feet.  
  
"Akane Tendo! Hear my words! I hearby foresake you! You no longer are my ideal for a wife. I cannot have a wild wanton woman raising a Kuno family heir. My dreams are no longer. For so long I had pictured it - you by my side, with a plump babe in arms, ever the obedient one, with a wild one waiting for me, my pig-tailed goddessssssss....."  
  
Kuno's eyes suddenly lit up with an eerie light. He had just realized that although Akane may be lost to him, he should not give up all hope on his other dream!  
  
"Ah ha! I can still have the pig-tailed girl! Ha ha! Although I shall have to look elsewhere for a wife, I can still have the lover I desire! My red haired goddess and I shall be tantalizing love mates, I can see it!"  
  
As soon as Kuno had started talking about giving up Akane, she and Ranma had gotten dressed back into their regular clothes, with the biggest sense of relief they had ever felt. Ranma was still giving Akane slightly worried looks out of the corner of his eye though. At this last bit from Kuno, however, both Akane and Ranma gasped, and looked at each other, horror evident in their expressions. There had been a slight miscalculation in their plans....  
  
As Kuno continued his babbling about the glories of the pig-tailed one's body, and what he and she could do together, the martial artists quickly went into a cramming session.  
  
"Ranma, what do you think we should try? Yuri's not going to work on him, if anything, that'll just get me back into his head! And if you change, and do the dominatrix thing, well, that's what he likes about your female side anyways! I'm stumped!"  
  
"Well, lets see... tender loving girl ain't gonna work, sex crazed girl definitely won't work... Hmmm... gotta think of something fast... Geez, why is this idiot being such a problem? Oh, wait! I've got a plan... it's not much, but I think it just might work..."  
  
Ranma quickly gave Akane the details and they both set to action. In a flash, they had the scene set.  
  
"Extra Last Resort Technique for Idiotic Kendo Masters - Virgin Bride Anthem!!!"  
  
Kuno looked up as a beautiful classical song began to play, with a choir of women singing softly along. Girl-type Ranma strolled serenely down a walkway, dressed in a plain white wedding gown, heading towards Akane. Akane was dressed in the habit of a Mother Superior.  
  
"Do you hearby pledge your life to become the bride of Christ? Do you promise to love, honor and worship him, forsaking all worldly pleasures? Shall you receive him as your one and only lover?"  
  
"I do."  
  
With those simple two words, the attack was swift and sure. Kuno dropped like a stone. His two amours, lost to the very opposites of their beings. He had nothing left to hope for. His spirit crushed, he could do nothing but moan in utter despair, and flee the scene, crying like a baby. As he got a little ways from them, he passed a young couple holding hands. One look was all it took. He was suddenly throwing up violently into a nearby garbage can.  
  
"Hahahaha! I was wondering if that was going to count as two attacks against him! I guess that's my answer! I don't think he'll be bothering you, me or any other girl anytime soon, Akane. Now, let's get that water heated, so I can get back to being a guy again."  
  
After Akane and Ranma had cleaned up the stuff they had used for the attack, Ranma noticed Akane still holding the cat 'o' nine tails. He looked at her nervously and gulped.  
  
"Ummm... Akane?..."  
  
Akane just looked back at him, with a little glint in her eyes. Giggling, she ran ahead.  
  
"A..Akane!! Wait up!!"  
  
The End. (The electronic pulsing music starts up again)  
  
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Well? What'd you think? I'd thought about a few different endings, but, eek, they all ended up being kinda WAFFy, and since that really wasn't the point of this fic, I figured I'd just leave it at that. I know this chapter isn't really Nauseating WAFFyish, but with Kuno, sometimes drastic measures are called for. ^_^ Hopefully I'll have a new story idea soon! R&R? 


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